Hockey - Parents of Dan Snyder Forgive but Can?t Forget

LMIRA, Ontario ? Dany Heatley was playing hockey about two hours down the road and across the border. One of the best players in the N.H.L., a top scorer in the playoffs, Heatley helped the visiting Ottawa Senators to a playoff victory over the Buffalo Sabres . HSBC Arena was sold out, and millions across the continent saw the game on television.

Graham and LuAnn Snyder did not watch. They were inside a low-slung meeting hall, a block from their home in Elmira, a tidy town of 8,000 people that is surrounded by rolling farmland, about 70 miles west of Toronto. They ate turkey and side dishes laid out in a buffet, drank punch served with ladles from large bowls, and held tickets to a small-stakes raffle.

About 100 people had gathered for a fund-raiser for a new recreation center in Elmira; it will include a fitness room, a swimming pool and two ice rinks. The larger rink, which will seat 1,500, will be named the Dan Snyder Memorial Arena.

Snyder was the second of Graham and LuAnn?s three children, an unsung hockey player who toiled near the bottom edge of the Atlanta Thrashers? roster. It has been more than three and a half years since Snyder was a front-seat passenger in Heatley?s Ferrari as it skidded off a road and crashed into a fence. Snyder died, after six days in a coma, at age 25.

The Snyders did not know Heatley, but their lives were instantly and inextricably fused. Heatley, at least as a hockey player, has recovered spectacularly. [The Senators lead Buffalo, 3-0, in the Eastern Conference finals with Game 4 on Wednesday in Ottawa. Heatley and teammate Jason Spezza are tied for the lead in playoff scoring with 18 points.]

Heatley may be on the cusp of a Stanley Cup championship and broader stardom. He requested and received a trade from the Thrashers in 2005 to help put the accident behind him. Attention, as it used to be, is concentrated almost entirely on his hockey skills.

The Snyders are still trying to shape and build the legacy of their son ? most recently with an 18,000-mile trip to all 30 N.H.L. arenas ? while coping with something that time and distance has not healed.

The lasting image from Dan Snyder?s death, in this town and across hockey?s sprawling landscape, is painted in forgiveness. Moments after her son died, LuAnn Snyder entered Heatley?s hospital room. He would recover from the broken jaw and the torn-apart knee, but perhaps never from the survivor guilt. She squelched his apologies by saying that he would always be forgiven.

At the funeral, the Snyders hugged Heatley, then 22. Graham Snyder stoically announced that the family did not blame him. One life lost was more than too much, and Heatley needed support, he said.

?We felt for him, for what he was going through,? LuAnn Snyder said Thursday. She sat in the family?s living room, where a photograph of Dan, his older brother, Jake, and younger sister, Erika, hangs above the fireplace.

A picture of Dan checking a Montreal Canadiens player into the boards hangs next to the back door. LuAnn likes that the other player?s feet were lifted off the ice. Graham likes it because he was at that game in Montreal with Jake.

?Most people who have suffered a loss like this will tell you that the grief will never go away, but it gets replaced by those good memories,? Graham Snyder said. ?And I can see that beginning to happen.?

But talking about Dan still triggers tears, and the normally cheerful LuAnn often grew quiet and occasionally left the room when the conversation turned to him. The family has a videotape of the funeral. Graham has watched it a few times. LuAnn has not.

Graham Snyder later stood in his home?s refinished basement, in a spot that was Dan?s bedroom. A large Quebec Nordiques logo that Dan painted, with the help of his mother and an overhead projector, remains on the wall. A small table he built partly from hockey sticks holds trophies and awards. On another wall hangs Dan?s No. 37 Thrashers jersey, framed.

?This is the time of year where I probably miss him most,? Graham Snyder said. ?He loved this time of year. I miss him all the time, but the first few playoff games, I found it a bit hard to watch.?

He thoughtfully pondered a question about whether Heatley?s success stirred any resentment.

?I never wanted to go down that road,? he said. ?It certainly doesn?t promote healing at all.?

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